A dating guide for the woman who has been too nice too long

Some women reach a point in a relationship where being agreeable has started to cost more than it gives. This paperback guide speaks to that moment. It argues that self respect and clear boundaries are what keep romantic interest alive, and it offers plain answers, short scenarios, and a few named principles to work with.

This is Why Men Love Bitches by Sherry Argov, a 255 page paperback from Adams Media, in the 6th edition dated October 1, 2002. It is a dating and relationship guide for women who suspect they are too accommodating. The setup is simple. The author holds that men tend to take a nice woman for granted, and that a woman who knows her own mind and holds her ground earns more respect and more lasting interest. The book takes up why men are so romantic at the start and then change, why nice women get taken for granted, and why a man respects a woman who stands up for herself.

Argov works through these questions with short real life scenarios, tables that set what a woman says beside what a man thinks, and a set of what she calls Attraction Principles. The word in the title is used in a particular sense. The description and several reviewers treat it as a strong, feisty woman with self respect, one who will share the load but will not sacrifice herself, rather than a cruel one. The recurring themes are knowing who you are, standing your ground, and not giving up your own life to keep someone else content. The tone is saucy and blunt, and the book promises bottom line answers rather than long theory.

The book is aimed at women who feel like doormats, at women early in a relationship who want to keep the first chemistry alive, and at women hoping to move a casual relationship toward commitment. One reviewer recommends it to young women entering college, so it is not only for readers deep into a long partnership. It speaks about women and men throughout, and that framing runs through every page, which is worth knowing before you buy it.

As a read, it is easy to pick up. At 255 pages in paperback, with tables and scenarios breaking up the prose, it can be taken a chapter at a time on a quiet afternoon or read straight through over a weekend. Nothing about it asks for study. The editorial praise comes from the Daily Mail, Cosmopolitan, The Today Show, and others, and Yahoo named it among the most iconic relationship books of a decade. That shows the book has been widely noticed. Whether its advice suits a particular relationship is a matter of taste and circumstance, not something that can be measured.

What tends to stay with a reader is the central claim, that warmth and self respect are not opposites. Whether or not every tactic appeals to you, the book gives a way to ask, in each situation, whether you are being generous or simply being available. Read as one confident, humorous voice on the subject, it can be a useful nudge to sit with, and a reason to decide for yourself what you will and will not put up with.